"The missing plane was boarded by Martians. They put a UFO on top of it, went inside, got inside the plane and then flew it up to Mars. We're never going to find it. Sorry."

 

"It wasn't Talmadge that gave free licenses to veterans, it was Ellis Arnall in '56."

"Tell me again why our mail goes to Jacksonville?"

"To the black Ford sedan with government plates driving excessively fast on Truman Parkway: Shame on you! If you're going to an emergency, put the blue lights on! Otherwise, obey the law."

"We do not want de-annexation in Bacon Park! We'd lose regular garbage pickups, street lights and street sweeping. Please vote against de-annexation!"

"Right-wingers only believe in the Constitution for themselves! They distort it to serve their purposes!"

"O.C. Welch, you are doing a wonderful job! The golf course is beautiful from the Truman Parkway. I didn't know it was so nice!"

"Blasphemy is unpardonable and God's love is unconditional. Just because it's unpardonable doesn't mean he doesn't love you."

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